Emotional Responses to Neuropathy

Sometimes other people can put into words what you feel and in a way that is so much better that you feel you have to share it with others. Today's post from invisibleill.wordpress.com (see link below) is one of many very well written items from a blog called 'Invisible'. There is no obvious association with HIV but the experiences of neuropathy are pretty much universal to all contributory diseases. Well worth a read (but maybe not if you're feeling down at the moment!)

Emotions

by Reatha Kenny

When people talk about emotions in the context of chronic illness they are usually talking about the why me’s. The anger and frustration that comes with having to come to terms with being ill all the time, that you may never get better, that you may get worse. I don’t want to talk about those emotions I want to talk about the emotions that come when your, emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. When you’re ill this sort of exhaustion is regular and for many a daily battle.

When I get to my breaking point which is quite often I am overly emotional about everything. At this point I simply don’t have the mental capacity to deal with anything and I am easily angered, frustrated, needy, irrational, I get snappy and have little tolerance for people I consider to be wrong or in my way. It’s easy to say that it’s this way because of fatigue and pain and that perhaps I ought to just realise that, rationalise it and deal with it. I should realise that this over abundance of raw emotion is simply a side effect and move on.
 Unfortunately of course it’s not that easy, especially when your emotions are involved, they are by their very nature irrational.

I am writing this post now because this is very much where I am right now. Between school holidays, Christmas, and going away on holiday, being very busy and having just had an appointment with a neurologist that I was unhappy with, I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I no longer have the capacity to deal with life even on an everyday level though I have to continue to try. I feel like I am walking a gloomy path where I can’t quite find my way while yelling at shadows, clinging desperately to a light that might be at the end of the tunnel. Everything is less distinct and more frightening. I can’t quite make out everything thats going on in the mist, my brain is so full of the fog I find it hard to think let alone see clearly. I just need to sit down and stop until the fog clears.

Unfortunately life continues and I can’t just stop I have to keep going. Children need looked after, work needs to be done, the house needs cleaned, I need to be upbeat for my friends, family and clients. I am trying to pretend everything is ok when it’s not. Not being able to stop and take the time out I need leaves me emotionally raw, I am easily hurt and discouraged, I need more reassurance than I normally would, and I also need more space which seems contrary and it is. I hide in my office, this is what I am doing now writing this post and hiding. It’s hard for the people who love me to know what to do and I understand that.
If you think about it though it is really quite simple. I am so tired I am simply unable to process the amount of information I would usually be able to. Too much stuff simply becomes overwhelming, I just need things to be simpler, easier, more obvious and quieter until I’m not so tired and I can start to function normally again. So give me space, tell me what you think and how you feel so I don’t have to guess and just help me keep things simple. If I get overly upset, needy or angry try not to react to me try to remember as I’m trying to remember that it’s just a side effect of my illness and what I really need is reassurance, quiet and maybe a hug.

http://invisibleill.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/emotions/#more-487